An Amoral Compass

On a scale of 1 to total(ed), how familiar are you with the Jeep Compass? Not at all familiar? I’m not surprised. Few people have run across/into this model of Jeep. You’re probably more familiar with the Wrangler, Cherokee, or even the Liberty. That’s why the Compass team at Jeep has embarked on one of the boldest marketing campaigns since iceberg lettuce conglomerates tried associative marketing with the Titanic.

The campaign goes something like this. You’re waiting at a stop sign on a Saturday thinking that you would have totally have talked to that girl at that party if she hadn’t been surrounded by people that night. And you probably should have done it any way, but it’s too late now although you know someone who knows her and maybe you’ll talk to them about her later. With this resolved, you move over the line to see around the bend in the road to your left. In this position you are perfectly poised to watch the Jeep Compass hydroplane, remarkably regain control, then hit you anyway.

As you sit there covered in glass you can’t help but marvel at how well the Jeep withstood the encounter. You sit there, shivering, as the rain and cold infiltrate your car all the while staring at the passengers in the Jeep whose engine is still running and who are warm and cheerfully awaiting the arrival of the constable.

Later on you step outside into the full force of the rain because the glass on the seats starts to dig into you after a while. There, you wait for your tow truck as the Jeep merrily zips off. And you can’t help but think you would have been better off if you’d been in that Jeep.

The obvious flaw in this campaign is that now you never want to drive anywhere ever again and you feel like you’re about to vomit every time you have to turn left without a traffic light to protect you from Jeep’s marketing team. Otherwise I think the next car I got would be a Jeep Compass. Plus, I know one that has a few scratches that the owner would probably let go pretty cheap. I’ve already got his name, address, phone number, driver’s license number, and VIN.