The Rage of Enlightenment

The signals seemed to indicate a lack of interest in her part, but this was neither the time nor the place for snap judgments on my part. The signals needed to be taken to a lab where professionals could analyze them and tell me how she really felt. SO throughout the evening and over the next few days I collected the signals and placed them in individual bags making sure to place a label on the bag with the collection time, place, and any other pertinent details.

When I felt that I had enough, I loaded them up into my car and drove down to the lab. I was not at all nervous, either she loved me or she loved me not. The boys at the lab would pull the petals off give, me the results, and then (whatever the outcome) at least I would have a clear direction to take.

But as I sat in the lab's waiting room the minutes seemed to become interminable (or is it interminuteable?). When the lab doors swung open I jumped to my feet and I would have noticed that my heartbeat had quickened except that I was too preoccupied by the slumped shoulders and looks of discouragement on the faces of the scientists.

"We have some bad news."

"That's okay, if she's not interested she's not interested. I've lived with it before and I'll be okay. I'm just glad I know now so I don't make her feel uncomfortable and set myself up for further disappointment in the future"

"No, that's not it all. We would love to be able to tell you she's not interested, we would love to be able to tell you anything conclusively. Unfortunately, the tests were inconclusive. We thought we really had this process down, but we can't tell you anything for sure. The signals... are MIXED"

"Well, I'm not paying for this, I brought you everything you should need"

"Well, you are paying for it actually, because it wasn't our fault, you screwed it up when you collected the data. All of this stuff is covered with your own emotions. There wasn't one data point here that hadn't been contaminated with you affected affects."

"Hey, I'll handle the wordplay, you were just supposed to tell me whether she liked me or not"

"Well, maybe the data is inconclusive because she hasn't made any conclusions yet."

"So, what should I do?"

"What have you done in the past, in these situations"

"I've always found some way to screw it up. Usually I make the situation so uncomfortable we don't talk for a few years"

"Well, we have complete confidence that you will be able to do so again. Pay your bill on your way out and the cashier will validate your parking. If you don't pay your bill your parking doesn't get validated, the parking fees are higher than our bills."