Can You Hero Me Now?

I grew up reading Roald Dahl, JRR Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis so from a young age it was embedded into my mind that I would live my life in relative obscurity until the day came that I was called upon to rise up and save the day/nation/word/city/state/city-state. When the call finally came it didn't come from a talking Lion, pedophilic faun, or thespian wizard. It was a sign. Not an obscure or ambiguous event in the sky, or a pattern in the woodwork. It was a metal sign, probably about 2x4x.01 feet, painted green with white lettering that said,

Report Carpool Lane Violators
Dial
764-HERO

The call had come, and I would answer. Or rather, the answer had come and I would call. I sped up to the next vehicle in the carpool lane and matched their speed. There was an elderly man and his elderly female companion. Looking at them I was sure that one would die any minute. Surely, if the passenger died right then that would make him a violator. If you could get in the HOV lane with a dead person we would all do it. 7-6-4 I began to dial into my cell phone as I looked for signs of expiration in the car next door.

Just then my lane slowed down, probably at the very moment the passenger suffered an aneurism, but we would never know. The car that took the octogenarian's place had a middle-aged driver with a back seat full of children. Children...could they really even be called people. Children are our future, which means they can't be our present, which means they're really not even here, which made this man...

A CARPOOL LANE VIOLATOR!

4-3-7-6 I finished the combination that had been given to me when I was called to serve by the wise old sign near Canyon Creek Parkway. I was probably one of the few to be able to decipher the cipher. But as I heard a voice (pre-recorded or live, I would never know) on the other end I saw the next sign:

Report Cell Phone Drivers
Dial
764-HERO

Oh my Aslan in heaven, what had I become. I looked into the rear-view window. I had seen the enemy and he is us.